Saturday, July 6, 2013

the last place.

i haven't done this in a while. but i know this is the only safe place i could find, and possibly you would too. 
this, would be the last place for anybody to figure out how i feel, and since i can't call you and bawl my eyes at you, this is the next best thing. 

I thought i could be strong enough to hold back my feelings and tears, and everything that goes around in my short, simple, sometimes a little dramatic life would be easy to handle. 
How it surprises me so that the reason i need to some comfort from you is, my family. This, is the one thing that you seem to understand that no others do. Just this thought makes me feel like the hold strong, patient, solid attribute i try to portray comes crumbling down. 
Only you know how to calm me down when these things happen. 
Only you understand what i've gone through and how best to talk to me. 
Because no one else has heard my part. 
if ever they were not true, if ever they were exaggerated, at least you were there to make me feel a little better.  
and when i am with my kryptonite, God help me i just really want to hear you talk to me, because only you know what to say. the right words to say it. 
My big fat ego is stopping me from running to my phone, dial your number ive known so well and ring you up. 

Funny how the world works. Today after 2 years of law school i have finally had a decent conversation with my previous ex. i don't know what made it better. i truly do not understand. it was a conversation after another. it was like one fine day this little heart of mine decided its time to see past the hate and scrawny eyes and just talk to the man! he was after all a friend at first.  it seems nice a finally a decent conversation with him, but regrettably I lost you now. 

Times like these, i wish you could seek through my brain like harry potter did with his memory and look at the times when i treasure you most. times like these i want you to realize that letting you go was part of the journey that i had to go through. you have been the better half of me for more than one year. and in that one year, i've managed to share most of my life with you. so much so that only you understand how certain agenda works without me having to explain from top to bottom. you were there when it was bitterly rough for me. when all i wanted to do was shut myself out. you did not complain. you were patient enough to accept it. 

You know that the hardest thing i have to go through is the reason i smile a wide and bright as i do. 

they are times like these i wish you would just call and try to help me. . .