Tuesday, November 23, 2010

that person in the white shirt.

when i first saw you,
you wore that white sleazy shirt,
oblivious to the surrounding,
uncaring to the wandering eyes,
you took a sit, and pretend whatever.
that was the first.

That big head envisions a wide mind,
those piercing eyes promises a better future,
yet small gestures lets out a caring devotion.
but the silver line between understanding, and looking,
shows that i was proven wrong.

I thought you were a pushover,
a makeover nerd alert, grabbing attention.
how i loathe your gesture,
how indifferent i felt toward your "attention."
but that was when i knew nothing,
i everything was in disguise.

now i knew nothing still,
but the some things i know made me change my mind.
so now i see a friend,
i see comfort in those eyes.
i see normality in every move,
even in the eyes that see you,
do you still see me?
am i invisible form your mind?
or is the impassive reaction surpasses your nerves??
though now my heart races every time i look at them.
but nobody knows, no body will.

it lies in my heart, truly deeply and unknown,
the guy in the white shirt walks the grounds
like every other being.
without knowing...
without understanding...
without the knowledge of his friend here, by his side.

you should know the truth,
but it should come from me,
but it is only me who knows... :)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"bila kita dah besar, kita nak jadi ape?"

Nak tegelak sebenarnya teringatkan title ni. semuanya sebab che sasa buat lawak di FB semasa kami senang berchatting chotting. entry ni pun sebagai small sambungan kepada entry dia. SILA LIHAT, SILA LIHAT!. Keajaiban sebenarnya kami kekal sebagai sahabat baik sepanjang ini. sebab kalau tgk kita org, haih... lain sungguh. kalau dulu waktu aku kecik kecik suka brand girls and barbie, Che sasa suka converse and tropicana life. setakat girlsni mampus dia tak layan. haa, ebih kurang cmtu aah beza kitaorg.

tahu tak camane kita orang bole jadi sahabat sehandai nih?
sebab cita - cita kita orang yang telebih tinggi.
kita org dua2 nak jadi pereka fesyen paling FAMOUS dan RICH dan FABULOUS kat Malaysia.
bila aku dapat tahu ade orang kongsi fantasi magikal ini, aku terus cakap pada si dia,
"awak, kita jadi bestfriend nak? kita nak jadi pereka fesyen sama - sama."
patu che sasa pun balass,
"okay awak! mulai hari ini, kita jadi bestfriends!"
patu dia lukiskan aku baju kecil and bagi kat aku.
comel je. Epp, jangan gelak. sebab kecomelan inilah shasha and che sasa jadi sejiwa.
tahun ini aniversary 10 tahun persahabatan kami
kalau kawan lain cakap, "aku nak jadi doktor,"
nanti aku balas, "eee, byk darah! takut."
dan kalau ade lagi cik mimah nak bangga kat aku cakap, "aku nak jadi polis! nak jaga bandar."
aku reply, "ehh! baju polis kat perempuan tak cantik aaaa."
patu dengan bangganya aku cakap cita2 aku nak jadi pesyen dejyner.
Hmmmph, tengok shasha, riak lagi. cita2 kau kemana, kau ke utara. HOHO.

Tapi betullah, sampai sekarang pun aku rasa aku suka dan termimpikan nak jadi fashion designer. perempuan mane tak kemaruk jatuh cinta pada baju sebergini. semua orang mahu baju macm gini dalam closet dia .... kalau shasha dapat mcm ni... *sigh*

tak pun, baju kahwin seberginii.

CANTIK LAA WEII!!! dear future suami, boleh tak kalau saya nak kawin pakai baju ini, awak bayar???

Okay dah shasha cukup.
ape pun, shasha tak regret lah bercita - cita sebegini ekstrem.
kalau tidak tak de manenya sha jadi orang sehingga kini.
maksud sha jadi orang macam hidup berprinsiplah.
mana tahu, shasha kawin dengan orang spanish yang ade company textile sendiri?

hehe, berangan lagi.
okay dah cukup merapu mlm ni, esok kena strt kuliah. -___-"

kalau kita ade cita - cita, walau semerepek kerepek macamane pun, tetap cita - cita.
sekurang - kurangnya kita ade jalan, arah tuju mane nak pegi.
jadi, beranganlah sampai ke awan. ;)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Meine deutsche Familie

There is a story untold, a family in the outskirt of Johore,
and the descendants once living there vanished swallowed by the depths of time.
and so hereby lies the story,
so long ago awaiting to be told,
the true identity, the true features,
the bloodline flows till now, it deciphers inside a family's soul.
a story of the family,
the Heinrich...

Being the oldest grandchild, Grand papa was already not around when i was born. I never knew him, much less my other siblings and cousins. As a girl, all i know was my grandfather was a German, and we should call him Grand papa. And as i grow older, new stories appear as we talk amongst the family members. But that was all. Never slipped mind the fact that i was part German. Its a unique part of me, and i embrace it.But it was not big enough to brag.
i admit i admire this man. . . alot. i've heard stories and achievements. none can compare.
But who was this mystery legend ? this father figure my mother have loved through out her whole life? this man who won my grandmothers heart? yeah, well we've never really made a big deal out of it. life goes on, we moved on.

But, 2 years ago... his first family, the relatives from German contacted us.
After 15 years of lost contact.
and that was when it became real.
the presence was there.

Grand papa's grandson, Wolfgang, managed to contact us upon his trip to Kota Kinabalu.
Allah is Al-Mighty. Allah Knows the unpredictable future.
We meet up. He came with Dominique (now wife) and we had dinner together.
Wahaa, can you imagine. off course i was excited!! this was the long ago family members.

dominique and wolfgang.

It was at this time i found out that the family members from across the sea and over oceans,
truly existed.
Grand papa had 4 other children before he resided in Malaysia.
3 daughters and 1 son. and here in Malaysia are my mother, aunts and uncle.
i found out that i have other siblings out there. not to mention 3 other aunts and an uncle.
Uncle Peter.
and then they went to Kota Kinabalu. and again that was it. life went on. but now the existence was there.

uncle peter, dominique and wolfgang.

And again, Wolfgang came to my Aunts wedding last December. he LOVED the culture.
he was all out, from the nikah ceremony to the reception. he tried to dance!! zapin and inang.
HEHEHE. COMEL KAN!! ehh kejap, this was supposed to be an all english entry. sorry for the interlude. Read on, read on.

So hey!! i was extremely proud at the time. i would go, "HEYY!!! my german cousin came to my aunts wedding!! teeeheee," and,
"Iyupp, uhuh... thats my cuzzie alright."
what a lame nerd i was. -____-"

But the proof was a smudge, a smear, a mere stamped memory in my brain.
It wasn't until my recent trip to London, that it came to me. . .
"Sha, you really do have the gene. Sha, this is your second family. this, is the real deal."
During that visit, we had dinner with Wolfgang, and Dominique.
And Uncle Peter flew all the way from Zurich, just to meet us.
because his wife, Kida, told him,
"this is a now or never chance to meet your other family."
and through this meet, dinner, had we really open up to become a bigger family.

Now, i feel the desire to work hard so that i can meet My family again.
I felt the presence of the Grand papa i've never met in my lifetime.
My Grand papa.
He is the true hero in this blog entry.
because it is his existence that two different world, different religion,
were able to sit and have dinner together, talk as if we've known each other for a long time,
share the same love.


step mom and step son.

the other side of the family

This entry was not a chance to gloat.
because mum never minded the fact that she was half german, why should i?
But for a little frauline to share her part of the story.
to open up about her sweet mystery being uncovered.
and for her to feel more excited about the future, a new discovery and adventure.
not a chance to prove anything,
because hey! i dont have to prove anything to anyone.
people can believe what they want to believe.
but the stories are true. . .

So the story ends with bigger discovery,
and also a bigger loophole,
but the story was there,
and the family exist,
still continues on...

a short story of my deutsche familie. and in our memories,
the Man of the blog story,
Abdul Rahman Heinrich,
my grandfather,
my Atok,
My Grand papa.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I Vow.

Semalaman aku tak boleh tidur kerana kisah Mawar kolej.
sampai aku rasa boleh kena mental disorder sekejap.
sehinggakan kesian kawan aku Amat terpaksa memasang telinga untuk mendengar aku membebel. . . hoho, itulah kawan namanyaa. :D
tapi pagi tadi, setelah bertungkus lumus bersama roommate stick together nak make sure dapat bilik yang sama, akhirnya kita orang berjaya!
Bukan sebab aku ni jenis yang tak friendly.
Or anti sosial.
Or kocky and weird.
Tapi sebab aku memang sayang dekat roomates yang sudah dianggap as sisters to me.
jadi untuk menggantikan mereka agak sukar sebenarnya. hehe!

Seperti rezeki Yang Maha Esa, kami semua mendapat kaunter 1 dimana agak senang untuk mendapat bilik yang sama.
Tak berhenti aku bersyukur!!! (sekejap lagi shasha pegi sujud syukur!)

selepas adegan ini, barulah aku rasa sedikit excited nak masuk kolej semula.
barulah rasa new semester ini tidak akan menambah kepeningan kepala.

To start a new beginning, you might need new resolutions.
let us make new vows for the future.
nak bersajak sekejap . . .

I Vow.

I vow to start the new semester with a smile on my face.
I vow to be more responsible and wake up earlier.
I vow to try to walk more than taking the bus. . . though this is the worst vow i promise to make.
I vow to take care of myself more and ignore wagging tongues
I vow to be more disciplined and make most room for my studies.
I vow to make studying my top priority.
I vow to be more considerate to my friends.
I vow to think less of others which are insignificant in my life.
I vow to ALWAYS smile to others who are nice to me.
I vow to be a teachers pet so that i'll get 4 flats in my final exam. ;)
I vow to shut my ears, eyes and lips in exchange for gossips and dramas.
I vow to reserve my heart.
I vow to ALWAYS feel special about myself.
I vow to make new friends and cherish the old ones.
I vow to happy most of the time.
I vow to always be thankful with what i have.
I vow to always pray and hope for the best for my future. :)

and in the event of me Or you breaking the vows...

i will always feel unsatisfied with what i have
i will be distracted from my main focus.
i will be sad most of the time.
i will get into serious dramas.

So hold on to the words and hold them tight!

hold the words on tight, have fun learning.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

im not a fairy godmother.

"having the will to influence the world, but have zip powers... thats a nightmare." quoted from the princess diaries. most people have this connotation in their mind, don't they?

Yup, kita semua nak mengubah dunia.
kita semua mempunyai cara masing2 untuk mencari vibe sendiri.
Tapi adakah kita mampu mengharungi scepticism orang ramai???
but hey, ramai antara kita yang menggunakan cara,
"ada aku kesah kau cakap ape?" dan,
"who are you to criticize what i do or say?", kan?
dan bila kita menggunakan power ini untuk tidak mempedulikan kata2 orang,
mestilah senang untuk kita mengikut cara sendiri.
persoalannya, influence apa yang awak nak tunjukkan pada orang sekeliling?
pengaruh apa yang awak rasa awak boleh relate pada yang lain?
1.adakah awak seorang lady gaga? yang mencari little monsters-nya?

2. adakah awak seorang bob marley? yang senang dengan menerima ketenangan?

3.adakah awak seorang mahatma ghandi? yang sanggup berpuasa (lupa berapa hari, tapi lama lah!) demi negaranya...
4. adakah awak seorang revolutionist? yang menjadi antagonis di dalam sebuah cerita.
5. atau adakah awak seorang mark zuckerberg? yang hanya inginkan kehidupan yang lebih baik untuk dirinya sendiri...
pilihlah pilih.
jadi betul ke anda tidak kisah dengan kata2 orang?
awak perlu kesah.
kerana kata2 awak itulah yang memberi pengaruh besar mahupun kecil.
jadinya kenapa kata2 seorang gadis ini memberi impak yang besar pada saya?
gadis ini seorang yang kenamaan.
gadis ini mempunyai influence yang besar didalam instinct ramai.
saya kagum dengannya.
saya memuji kredibilitinya menulis, menaip, menggunakan kata2nya yang jujur.
no matter how harsh.
mempunyai sebanyak atau segunung kekaguman terhadapnya sekalipun,
saya pelik, kerana dia bukanlah role model saya.
dia bukanlah seorang yang saya gemar bahasanya.
kadang kala, saya tertanya,
influence dia berdasarkan negativity yang kita abaikan dalam hidup.
dalam daily routine kita.
dalam mindset reality kita.
yang sedihnya, pada pandangan saya, pun dia mellihat dunia dengan pandangan yang berbeza,
ialah sedikit positivity.

itulah yang kita lack most of our life.
Saya melihat dunia dengan keindahan yang telah sedia diberikan oleh-Nya.
Saya memandang perkara yang trivial, sebagai sesuatu yang membuat kita senyum.
contoh, anda tanya???

wake up early in the morning, open the door... look... listen... feel.
look at the very picture of the sun, not too hot, not too cold.
listen, the birds are chirping, the cats a meowing preciously. listen to the whistling of the wind.
feel, the peace. the quiet. the serenity.
true friends make you smile... true friends make you laugh.
they cry with you during your pains.
they comfort you when you are blue.

theres infinite possibility for a better life, a better future.
take the time to give yourself the chance.
because, not many people are as lucky.
not many people have the chance to dream.

pixie dust.
HEHE. sila malu shasha.
ye, saya tahu minggu depan saya dah legally tua. 18. -___-"
pixie dust pada saya adalah hope. faith. tawakal. reda. rezeki Allah. :)
hoping for the best, prepare for the worst.
a little touch of faith and beliefs. the faith to believe in God.
a little touch of pixie dust. . .

so you see, dari pandangan sendiri semua ini.
biarlah kalau orang hendak melihat yang buruk sekalipun,
kalau kita pandang yang cantik dalam dunia,
kalau selain dari pointing out the points,
menunjuk keburukan,
kita mencari jalan penyelesaian.
bukan maksud saya kita mengabaikan reality.
reality memang tetap reality.
yang negative memang di luar sana.
banyak je masalah yang tak terubah,
tapi, kalau kita mahu mengubah, influence, pengaruh,
community, orang sekeliling, bukankah kita juga perlu ubah dulu?
people dont change for us, because thats dictating,
we dont change for people, because thats following.
we change in parallel, in togetherness, because thats leading.

look at the bright side, the better half.
im not a fairy godmother, but hey! i've got pixie dust *wink ;)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

selamat hari beday, Aiman.

kalau anda tak pernah kena culik, tarik, pusing pusing shah alam, ikat di pokok dengan mata juga tertutup, sambil diransack kalau tidak anda ada potensi untuk ditolak ke dalam tasik....
kerana sesungguhnya memang menakutkaan. . . . .
walaupun saya rasa nak gelak teguling meniarap melihat adegan menyeramkan ini...

Yang pentingnya kes culik ini terjadi bukan angkara penjahat misai tebal, ataupun perempuan aura mak ayam tetapi gabungan otak GENIUS teman sehidup semati.
Takpelah kalau sakit kena heret sekalipun,
tak pelah kalau rambut tukar color sikit,
takpelah kalau tebal 5 kilo kat badan untuk seharii...
Bukan selalu right???

But ape ape pun, credit to Elyna Rahmat sebab successfully threw an awesome birthday and dapat jumpa berpeluk, berketawa, berlari, bertepung sama - sama after semua orang mengikut haluan masing masing!
inilah mereka yang otak genius aku cakap tadi

and we are the back up crew

dan pastinya kita tidak boleh lupa pada hero yang membawa Aiman ke sini , kalau tidak sapa yang nak angkat kau Aiman... haha

inilah gaya orang kena ransack, girlfriend Eila lead the waaay.

kami pula tunggu dan lihat aksi seterusnya. walaupun sebenarnya takut baju kotor. :P

*sigh* friends are the diamond ever so priceless.
are not for sale, can not be bought, only won. :D

birthdays are the markings of blesses by the Al-Mighty.
27.11.2010.... ;0

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

1 day too many.

underneath the kaleidoscope of the world,
we struggle to find our muse.
We search for the right amount of tranquility.
not too much to devour serenity...
but just enough to let us breath against all the opium smoke.

Success comes from hard sweat work.
but some just got lucky.
Sometimes fate brings us the greatest pleasures.
without even trying.
How special...

Though i'm not those kind people.
i've worked and i've stayed up...
tired and sleep depraved,
to ensure the better side of all my success.
i've fought and i've lost.
hit rock bottom.
just so i could get up again to climb again.
to get a better triumph.

i'm smiling at the end of the day.
Things work out...
Things fell into place.
I'm in a better position.
I've got the best of both worlds.

So don't fret and don't sigh.
cry if it maybe if the pain would subside.
there's always another rainbow
with a bigger pot of gold on the other side.

happiness always comes for those wait patiently....